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Thursday, April 24, 2014

You Never Know What You're Gonna Get

My four little darlings have been bombarding me at every turn with their quirky little personalities. Sometimes I just laugh because this life cracks me up. My kids are so hilariously perfect in their imperfections.

The other night after a long day at school and then therapy, I took Ben to McDonald's for dinner. We were going to eat IN McDonald's too, not just go through the drive-thru! Ben was ecstatic. As we entered the restaurant, Ben's untied shoelace got stuck in the bottom of the metal doorframe thingy. He shrieked as loudly as an 11-year-old can "MY AGLET!! MY AGLET IS STUCK!!!" until I was able to successfully untangle his shoe from the door frame.

Thank you to the show Phineas and Ferb for teaching our family what an 'aglet' is.

As if that weren't enough embarrassment for one Mama, the drama continued to the burger. Ben ordered a plain Big Mac. He sat down. He got his burger. He peeled off the crackly paper. And got VERY loud and indignant because he had been given a plain double cheeseburger instead of a Big Mac. Which made the entire population of the restaurant turn to stare us down. Again. (Social skills and appropriate public behavior are still something we can work on.) 

Ben insisted that I right this wrong that had been committed against humanity. 

I personally don't know, and don't care, how a Big Mac differs from a double cheeseburger, but it was obviously life-or-death-important to my son. So I sheepishly went back to the counter and explained that my son's order was wrong and we needed to have it right. 

The McDonald's workers looked at me like I had three heads. But I calmly explained that apparently there was a bun missing between the burgers, or something, and therefore it was not what my son had ordered, and he needed a new burger.

Ben got his Big Mac, plain, with the bun where it should be, and we moved on with our night. Apparently the bun-to-burger ratio is extremely important in Ben's World.

Ella has realized that letters put together make words. So every time we're in the car, she spends pretty much the entire ride quizzing me on how to spell words. I feel like I'm back in my 8th grade spelling bee every time I enter a car with my daughter. (I won that spelling bee, by the way. It's my only claim to fame. I got to the District level, thank you very much. This was the year we came back from Africa for good, so just imagine a frumpy little missionary kid, standing up on stage, totally out of her element, and STILL winning! Want to know the word I lost on? avarice. I spelled it avErice. Duh! That was the end of my spelling bee run.)

We get in the car, I back out of the driveway, and it begins. 
"Mama. How do you spell 'red'?"
"Mama. How do you spell 'zebra'?"
"Mama. How do you spell 'TwinkletwinklelittlestarhowIwonderwhatyouare'?"

I just keep spelling for her. I love when little lightbulbs go off and you actually SEE your child learning right in front of your eyes. She's learning about words and reading and spelling! She's getting it! I will admit it's a bit hard to drive, spell, keep kids from fighting in the backseat, turn on the movie, hand out crackers, and stay sane behind the wheel, but somehow I make it work. 

Aidan. Dear, sweet Aidan. He is obsessive about this "Did you know" app he got on his phone. Wherever we go…
"Mom, did you know that you can lead a cow up stairs but not down stairs?"
"Mom, did you know that Shakespeare invented the words 'assassination' and 'puking'?"
"Mom, did you know cats spend 66% of their life asleep?" 
--what i wouldn't give to be a cat--
"Mom, did you know it takes 40 minutes to hard boil an ostrich egg?"
"Mom, did you know you're more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a poisonous spider?"
"Mom, did you know 'rhythm' is the longest word without a vowel?"

and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

And guess where this barrage of "did you know" happens the most? The car. That's right. I've got one kid giving me a spelling bee. One kid spouting out random facts I will never remember and never need to know and…then there's Jonah.

Jonah is into voices. He can do so many hilarious imitations, it's hysterical. Every time we get in the car, he does all his Muppet voices. Then his Sesame Street voices. Don't forget Popeye. And Bullwinkle. And President Obama. And Elmo. And many more. He always says "Give me another one, Mama!" You should hear his Swedish Chef impression. It would have you rolling on the floor. 

It's like a party in our car. If the kids aren't trying to kill each other with various junk they find on the car floor, I swear they're trying to kill me with an inundation of redundant, yet amusing, quizzing, facts, and impressions.

Life is like our family car ride. You never know what you're gonna get. 

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