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Saturday, February 15, 2014

Glitter Poop and Gluey Lips

I just banished my children to the basement to play. They have been loud and exuberant and hyper for hours now. Away they go to where Mommy can't hear them quite as clearly.

You wouldn't believe the crazy things that have happened in this house lately. One night I was making dinner. Aidan and Ella were taking turns wrapping each other's heads in toilet paper, including their eyes, and leading each other around the house declaring they were mummies. It was all fantastic fun until Aidan accidentally led Ella The Mummy into the corner of the wall, nose first. That ended the mummy game.

One evening as I was doing dishes, I noticed Ella was being very quiet in the other room where she was doing an art project. I went in to check on her, and she was applying a nice, thick coat of purple glue stick to her lips. That girl is addicted to lipstick, and apparently couldn't contain her enthusiasm for all things lipsticky when she was alone with her glue stick. She said through her stuck-together lips "Mi'm sommy mommy." 

While I was cleaning Ella's gluey lips off, Ollie the dog decided to eat a bunch of the glittery stickers Ella had been using to do her art project. I'm on the lookout for glitter-speckled poop in the back yard. Today he also decided it was a good idea to eat Ella's Chef Boyardee ABC's and Meatballs. His beard is now orange. He is getting a bath tomorrow.

One afternoon this week as I was upstairs putting laundry away, I hear Jonah shriek and yell my name. Great, I thought, what now. Jonah had stapled right through his finger. He had pulled the staple out, but was bleeding. Luckily Dr. Mom was on duty. Why don't my dear children think before they do something like staple their fingers?

Today Jonah stabbed the roof of his mouth with his curly straw. I don't know how this even is possible, but leave it to my son. Blood everywhere. Again.

I was going to put up some pictures on the wall next to my side of the bed this week. Until I noticed that one of my little artists had already decorated it for me. With swirls of thick chapstick. And glow-in-the-dark stickers. And boogers. I'm not kidding. All over my wall. What child thinks that combination is a good one??

Then there's always Ben's Knot Socks. One of his compulsions is to tie the ends of his socks into knots. Then bite them until they are tight and impossible to untie. These are not clean socks, by the way, they're the ones he's worn all day. I find Knot Socks all over the house. I have tried everything I can think of to deter him from making Knot Socks. I bought tighter socks but then he can hardly get his feet into them and fusses about that and then I have to help him put his socks on even more frequently than I already normally do and that annoys me and I can't get his feet in the tighter socks either, so I gave up that idea and gave the tight socks to Aidan who has thin little fish feet. I have to throw away the Knot Socks. You just can't get them undone. When I have convinced my darling to not make Knot Socks, he chews his shirts to shreds. Or cuts them with scissors. What is wrong with this child? I got Ben and Aidan all kinds of really cool chewy things, but they would rather chew on their shirts, dirty socks, and nails. 

Speaking of nails, Aidan has a compulsion to cut things too. Especially his own hair and nails. We keep scissors out of the way because of this, but nail clippers seem harmless and I'm happy that I only have to trim Ella's nails now because the boys all do their own. Or bite them until there is nothing left to trim. Aidan clips his nails in order to relax. The other night he was screaming bloody murder because he had accidentally clipped his big toenail too low and it was bleeding. That was a lesson in what happens when you cut too much off of your finger and toenails! 

Meanwhile, Ella continues her nightly Mama-wake-up calls. She has the sniffles, which makes her nights worse. I usually sleep with her for a couple hours in the middle of every night, then sneak back to my room, then she sneaks into our bed and keeps me up the rest of the night. One night this week Ella came into our bed to sleep. I use the term "sleep" loosely. She laid in our bed and begged to watch Sponge Bob for 2 1/2 hours. And sneezed all over me the entire time. I can't figure out why I'm exhausted and have a cold…

Sometimes this life is really a circus. And you really just have to laugh. Because when you think of all the little crazy things that happen in a week, it's pretty hilarious. I think the common theme is that Mama should never turn her back for a single second. When I turn my back, fingers get stapled, glue is applied as lipstick, boogers are applied as art, and the dog ends up with glittery poop.

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