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Saturday, February 15, 2014

Mama Love

Our Valentine's week has been one full of heart break for the boys. One day, Jonah was home from school because he was sick. At one point, he was very upset because he felt so sick he was afraid he was going to miss school on Valentine's Day. And he was upset because the school doesn't do any parties or celebrations of Valentine's Day. (So I'm not sure why he was distraught, because he really wasn't going to miss anything anyway, but I just played along.) I assured him if he was sick, we were going to have our own family Valentine's party at dinnertime anyway, so the day would not go unnoticed. That made him feel better.

That same day, Aidan walked in the door from school and before he could even undo his 7 layers of winter clothing and backpack items, he dissolved into tears in my arms. He was weeping against my heart, just weeping as only Aidan can do. When he cries sometimes he is so deeply sad, you can feel it radiating from his every pore. I thought wow, this is going to be a doozy. I finally convinced him to tell me what was wrong. He said he has NEVER won a raffle at school. And that makes him so so sad. Poor boy. We talked about how sometimes you don't win. And you have to find a way to be ok with that. And then I had to modify my lecture to include "sometimes you NEVER win" so he would feel I was really hearing him about his distress in NEVER winning.

That same day, Ben walked in the door from school. And before HE could undo his considerably fewer layers of winter clothing and binder (he's in middle school now- apparently warm clothes and backpacks are just. not. cool. It's better to freeze to death and cart around all your school stuff in a big, busting-open binder.), he literally dissolved into a pool of angry tears on the entry-way rug. I hugged him and asked him what was wrong with HIM. He said the activity at school that he had been very excited about was terrible. The 6th grade class had participated in an Iditarod race similar to the dog sled race in Alaska, only our kids got to take turns riding in a sled and pulling the sled around a marked course. Ben had been over the moon about doing this, so I was surprised that he was so upset about it.

Ben said that he had been so slow. His team had yelled at him the whole time to go faster, or they would loose because of him. He went as fast as his little legs would take him, helping to pull the sled over snow, but it wasn't fast enough. He was completely exhausted physically and mentally and emotionally. Totally spent. It had been a devastating experience for him and I was so sad for him. His body hadn't let him do what he wanted to do, and he was so disappointed. 

Some things Mama can't fix. So all I could do was snuggle up with Ben and Ella in our "Red Chair" and try to undo Ben's angst with Mama Love that poured into him as we hugged. All I could do was to hug Aidan through his tears and give him Mama Love too. And hold Jonah as he worried about Valentine's Day and give him Mama Love too. Sometimes all a Mama can do is be there.

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